First Draft: Script Immigration
This is the first draft of my script. There is a lot of changes that need to be made. Once I finished I read it over and analysed it. I made the decision to cut the character of the mum. I felt like this was the right decision because not only do I not have a cast member to play the character of the mum, I think she doesn’t add anything to the story apart from making them look like a normal family. Furthermore, I think having too many characters will stress me out more when thinking about costumes and makeup. Cutting the character of the mum might add more to the story because people empathise with single dads.
Second Draft: Immigration script 2
In this script, I got rid of the character of the mum. I think the script flows better without her. From the feedback I got, people said that it would be better if the characters had names. I agreed with this as it gives the characters more depth and more of a story. People will be able to relate to them more, as the audience know more about them. I think it also helps the actors when reading the script as it helps them feel more like there character and know them better.
Third Draft: Snail (working title)
This draft was analysed the most. On the meeting I had in the 25th, I got people to read my script and be harsh. This really helped me because I could see what all their opinions were on the script. Getting a variety of opinions if important because different people have different tastes, therefor they are like an audience. They all got a script each and they wrote notes. Once they finished, we read through the script and I wrote all there notes on one script.
Blue pen = Dom (Tutor) – Black Pen = Peers/crew/cast
With these suggestions I created my final script.
Final script: Final Script
I finished my final script after a lot of drafts and a lot of work. Although I am very proud of what I’ve done, if I had more time to create the script there would be a few things I would do differently. For example, the end. I feel like it doesn’t symbolise what I wanted to do completely. I feel like its very dramatic and an easy ending. It leaves the audience question what happened next, which is most of the time a good thing.
However, I couldn’t think of a way of ending it differently. All the ways I could think of were either too cheesy, even more so then my ending. Next time when I’m writing a script, I’m going to create the ending first. This means I know where the script is going and how I can build it up to the end. My tutor, Dom , also agreed with this.
I sent this out to my whole cast, as well as a schedule and a cast list through drop box.